WELL, I GUESS I'M CONVINCED NOW
On a side note, American guard Charlie "Biff" Peterson assured us later on that "both complaining detainees" were "tortured most extravagantly" after the Afghan contingency left the compound. Asked for details, Peterson claimed "that information's classified," but he nevertheless hinted that "dogs, electrodes, meat thermometers, lesbian poetry, besmirched Islamic Holy Books," and maybe "an especially sadistic Santeria priest" were involved.
Speaking with the press as his motorcade rode to the airport for the long return flight, Minister Sabhet explained to us that, "Conditions of the jail was humane. There were rumors in [Afghanistan] about that. It was wrong. What we have seen was OK."
Unprompted by questions, he also added that, "George Bush is probably the finest man America has produced. He is both loved and admired in my home country. I would also like to express my gratitude and respect for Richard Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld as well as the oily, fat guy who just escaped serious criminal charges in your country. I cannot recall his name, but I assure you we Afghans respect and admire him as well."
Asked if he wished to extend a word to Secretary of State, Condeleeza Rice, Sabhet declined, telling us that, "were I to mention a woman in a positive light, I'd be stoned to death on the tarmac at the Kabul airport. This is an unpreferred outcome."